Suefest
by crazy partners in crime
Summary: Our version of what would really happen if a Sue comes to Hogwarts.


Welcome, dear readers. Please mind this warning before reading the story. 

This story contains canon-killing, suebreeding projects and other damaging things of doom. It's not ours, we only get to play with the characters for a bit.  
If you have: a weak heart, already a trauma of all those bad fanfic or only eleven years on your birthday-o-meter. Do not read this story. 

If you don't have: a strong stomach and a sick kind of humor. Do not read this story. 

For all the others, please put on your gasmasks, don't touch anything radioactive or sueish and stay close… this is a dangerous story, you don't want to get lost.  
Now, follow me… 

Meet our Sue.

Notice that's she's wearing a violet-indigo coloured and glittered top with deepdarkbluepurple silky linnen underneath. She has brownish blondish hair with blackgoldernpurple high and or lowlights.  
Notice how she's wearing a pink glittery skirt so short that you wouldn't be surprised to see a tampon string peeking out, if she would have been old enough to bleed monthly.

The entire point of a grand entrance was to make an impression. Unfortunately for our Sue, her dramatic way of bravely throwing open the doors of the great hall was hindered by a very strict looking professor McGonagal. Now, not only did she miss the entire sorting feast, she already lost her house a few points for being late.

When she tried to tell the professor that she was from America and therefore special and should be excused, she looked into said professors eyes and decided to be quiet.

She tried to get the sorting hat to put her in Slytherin, she really did. It just wouldn't listen to her. It tried to create entirely new houses for her, saying she didn't belong in any of the original ones. In the end, she managed to convince the hat to put her in Gryffindor. After all, it was very brave of her to come all the way from America and try to impress the entire school with her lack of personality.

Sue was satisfied. She didn't end up in Slytherin like she was sure she was supposed to, but she ended up with Harry so that was okay. She'd impress Malfoy later.

Coincidentally, the only one who really wanted to take a foreign exchange student in their dormitory for the rest of the year turned out to be none other than Hermione Granger. After all, Dumbledore told her that it would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience and good for her international contacts.

And this is where our story starts…

So she was chilling in her dormitory on this song she wrote or stole (not totally clear):

_Come Mr. DJ song pon de replay_

_Come Mr. DJ won't you turn the music up_

_All the gyal pon the dancefloor wantin' some more what_

_Come Mr. DJ won't you turn the music up_

repeat this several times on a ratter annoying tune and you made yourself a number one hit.

Anyway, the story. So she made some very weird looking dancemoves when Hermione came in.

The look on Hermione's face amused Sue for a while, but when she wasn't joining Sue on the home made dancefloor she got a little worried. Hermione gave no sign of liking the song, or in fact of letting her sing again. Something about it reminding her of Crookshanks on muggle medicins.

And now Sue was bored. She couldn't believe it! She could do anything she wanted, and the one thing she really wanted was for the authors of this story to think of a plot. Or at least something in the direction of Sue getting a boyfriend. Preferably Harry. If that couldn't be arranged, then Malfoy would do.

Poor Sue had no idea that that wasn't what the authors had in mind at all.

So she went normally, like any other kid at Hogwarts to the lessons next morning. So she was up early to do her hair in a just-out-of-bed-look, which always took her several hours. And in her self-picked clothes she looked, absolutely stunning. Although she thought that had an other reason than every other normal person in this world.

She wore the Hogwarts uniform and underneath that her underwear. It felt a bit uncomfortable with underwear, but hey, a good impression is always a good start.

"Hello, I'm Hermione Granger" Some bushy-haired girl said to Sue.

"Um, hello. I'm Sue. Say, you wouldn't know how to get this started, would you?" She said pointing to the muggle CD-player she brought.

"Muggle appliances don't work here in Hogwarts. You can read all about it in Hogwarts: A History. I have the book if you're interested."

"Yes I know it won't work, but I'm_special_ and it should work for _me_. How else are we going to have a talent show where we dress in skimpy outfits and impress the boys with our femine…feminininessness?"

After a slight pause, Hermione said "Er, well, I don't think it'll work. And what do you mean talent show? I don't think the professors would like that."

And that was the end of non-plot part one: The Talent Show.


End file.
